Remember what it was like to spend time with people with kids when you didn’t have any?
Parents – myself included – tend to talk about our children’s milestones, who won the game, what awards they’ve received, silly things they said yesterday and things they now hate. I don’t fault us – we love our kids! They’re our life at this moment, but sometimes we forget … the crowd doesn’t always care and want to hear every detail every time.
Now for me, I’m surrounded by a village of friends without kids who adore my son, Gordon, and want to be a part of his life. They ask me for photo updates, always invite him to dinner, change his diaper (unsolicited and willingly!), bring him to events and much more — one even asked him to be in her wedding.
They are so patient, inclusive and genuinely love him. I owe the world to them … but not everybody wants kids or loves the idea of them as much as we do as parents.
I’m conscious of not letting Gordon be the foundation of my friendships because our relationships are deeper than my child — and I want my friends without kids to feel important and heard.
I’ve learned a few things raising my kiddo around this special group of friends and I share them with you in hopes to deepen your relationships with friends without kids:
- Be a conversationalist, but don’t center the dialogue on your child. Ask caring questions: How is the health of their family? How have they been spending their free time lately? Do they have any upcoming life changes? By asking genuine questions (and then listening!), it shows that you’re interested in things beyond you and what’s happening in your life.
- Don’t assume people want kids around. Ask the group if it’s okay before you bring children and don’t be hurt if they kindly say: “adults only.” Respect the request and get a sitter. It’s not everybody’s cup of tea to hang around sticky fingers, busybodies and loud chaos.
- Plan adult-only events. Not every event is kid-friendly and that’s okay. Carve out time to spend 1 on 1 with your friends without kids. Get a pedicure, hit up a happy hour, attend a musical, play a round of golf, float on the river. Do something you both enjoy because this time together allows you to reconnect and focus on your friendship – and things that matter.
My friends without kids keep me grounded. They put a spark back into my life and encourage me when things get tough. I don’t want to lose them. I hope by following my lessons learned, I’ll be more mindful and considerate each day and treasure our friendships even more.
