Do you ever think about stillness? How often are you completely still? Being in a deep sleep does not count! Although I am not sure how many of us mommas are “still” sleepers between kids waking up, partners snoring, and anxious thoughts ruminating. Stillness as a word and concept has escaped me until recently and now I can’t stop thinking about it! I have thought about being busy. Too busy. Overwhelmed. Distressed. The need to relax. But still? Not so much; therefore, I felt the need to explore this concept and what it can mean to the well-being of mommas everywhere.
In my opinion, “stillness” is so much more than the act of sitting still. Because guess what? Even if I am sitting still, I am multitasking! No time can be wasted, including time to “relax.” I may be sitting down, but I am also making mental to-do lists, emptying my daughter’s backpack, catching up on the news, perusing emails on my phone that I haven’t gotten to, and more often than not, thinking about all the things I “should” be doing! Have you ever heard the phrase “stop shoulding all over yourself?” I think whoever came up with that jem was thinking about me and the generations of women in my family that respond more to “I should” than “I want” or “I need.”
I have been OBSESSED with exploring my needs lately. My needs as a woman, mother, friend, feeler-of-all-the-things. I think I finally feel secure enough in my single-lady-hood that I can focus on myself for longer periods of time while knowing my daughter has not been “ruined” by our divorce. She actually is doing amazing, so I don’t worry about her as much, which means more time to think about myself! Initially that meant more time to ruminate on “shoulda, coulda, woulda,” but now I have teetered head-first into my pursuit of understanding how stillness can benefit me and others.
One caveat, I know some mommas that are excellent at this introspection without being single, going through a divorce, and needing more alone time, but I am not one of those women. I have always been very good at focusing on the needs of others rather than my own, which does NOT lead to good things! Focusing on others is a great way to avoid dealing with your own stuff. Lots of stuff. After I realized this, I quickly off-loaded things that weren’t mine to hold and started unpacking my own “stuff.”
This is what stillness means to me in our fast-paced, winner-take-all, lifestyle. It is the pursuit of peace. Not happiness, but peace. Sheryl Sandberg (important FACEBOOK person), says “peace is happiness at rest.” I LOVE that idea. I think everyone in this world is pursuing happiness and is disappointed when they don’t “find” it. I think happiness is a myth. We have happy moments, we have peaceful moments, difficult times, but happiness as a constant state of being does not exist.
To be comfortable in stillness we need to come to the realization that feelings and states of being are fleeting.
We have to embrace the good feelings and the bad because we know that avoiding, hiding from, and pushing away feelings with alcohol, drugs, food, and BUSYNESS, does not help anyone. We are just putting fuel on the fire that will explode when pressure builds up, typically at the most inopportune times!
Being still within ourselves means that we can feel those feelings and let them pass. It means we can sit in the quiet without going crazy. We can be the example of stillness for our children. It conjures up feelings of peace, comfort, contentment and CONNECTION. Our families and children are too busy to explore this while running from activity to activity. Mommas are exasperated if they have more than 1 child and have to be in three different places at the same time. So ask yourself, what would happen if you cultivated more stillness in your life. The good, the bad, the ugly. I feared it at first, worried about the thoughts and feelings that would come up, but I can tell you it is worth it when the stillness in your life allows you to explore the woman you are, have been and want to be. I wish you luck mommas!
What does “stillness” mean to you? How can you incorporate it into your life?
