When I first learned that I was to be the new mother of a bouncing baby boy, many thoughts came to mind. One thought in particular was, how in the heck am I going to care for a BOY?! I recall giving myself multiple pep talks in the months to follow. You see, up until that point, anything in the realm of all things boy had been quite elusive to me. I grew up in a home with my mom and my older sister. I never had to worry about the toilet seat being left up, stinky gym socks lying around, or dodging pro-wrestling style body slams. Growing up, I would look at boys and scratch my head. I did not get them. They were strange creatures.
Fast forward several years, and here I sit, a mom on the verge of having a teenage boy. Eek! I look back and realize that I somehow managed to successfully raise one of those strange and elusive creatures (with the help of my wonderful husband of course)! However, I have also realized that being a “boy mom” is not so bad after all. In fact, I absolutely love it!
In honor of graduating from mom of a preteen boy to mom of a teen, I have compiled a list of survival tips for my fellow “boy moms” out there who will one day embark on the adventure of tweendom.
Tip #1: Don’t panic. It’s going to be okay. Each stage in a child’s development seems to go by so quickly. Just when we think we’ve nailed something down as a parent, our kids are already on to the next stage. It’s easy to beat yourself up if you feel like you’re failing at parenting. But it’s going to be okay! Find other moms who have been where you are. They will encourage you.
Tip #2: Speak their language. I’ve learned to take an interest in what my son is interested in so that I can speak his language. I know way more about Minecraft, Legos, Marvel Comics, and baseball than I thought I ever would. I love hearing about his hobbies and adventures and try to be as engaged as possible when he wants to share them with me. It’s a fun way to bond.
Tip #3: They are a bottomless pit. They eat. A lot. This isn’t really a tip but a very noteworthy fact, nonetheless.
Tip #4: Be available. Although preteens don’t require the constant care that an infant or toddler may need, they still need you in other ways. Being available is one of them. Find time during the day when you can spend quality time together. It’s during these moments that my son really opens up and talks about his day and anything that may be concerning him. This doesn’t happen all the time, but when he does want to open up, he has 100 percent of my attention.
Tip #5: Follow their cues. There have been different occasions when my husband and I were stumped by our normally mellow and reasonable son’s behavior. Knowing that preteens go through a lot of changes physically, mentally, emotionally and socially helps us to be empathetic to extreme moodiness and other bewildering behaviors. I have learned to follow his cues. There are times when he wants to be left alone and times when he’s a non-stop chatterbox. I try to be in tune with his vibe and subtle signals so I can come along side him and support him according to what he may need at that time.
Tip #6: Beef up the responsibilities. Preteens are wonderfully independent and can be great helpers around the house. Over time, my husband and I have slowly added more age-appropriate chores and responsibilities for our son. This serves as good practice for when he’s an adult, handling real world jobs and responsibilities. Plus, I get extra help around the house. Win!
Tip #7: They can teach you a thing or two. One of my favorite things about this stage of childhood is the insightfulness and perspective that begins to develop. My son and I have surprisingly great conversations about deeper issues. He has an amazing capacity for articulating his understanding of life and the world around him. He is also more receptive to bigger picture issues and critical thinking. Heck, there are many times during our conversations that he ends up teaching me things that I never knew or challenges me to think about things in a new way.
Tip #8: It’s a balancing act of holding on and letting go. As a mom of a preteen boy, there are many times that I need to fight the urge to rescue him from different situations and scenarios. Ultimately, he knows that I will always be there to nurture and encourage him. But I also want him to make some mistakes and fly with his own wings so that he can grow as an individual.
One of the best things I’ve discovered from being a “boy mom” is that boys are awesome. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed having a front row seat to something that had been an enigma to me up until now — the life of a preteen boy. I am looking forward to the adventures that await me as I enter into a new stage of mommyhood. The stage of having a teenager. Wish me luck, friends!
