There are a great number of things that bring me joy. Being around my loved ones brings me great joy. Having a job that allows me to meet new people and help them lead a healthier lifestyle brings me joy. Spending time breathing in the fresh air from outdoors brings me joy. Sitting down with my paintbrushes and a completely clear schedule brings me joy. The list could go on but you get the point. Joy abounds all around me.
As I’ve learned, life has its ups and downs. The good and the bad. Or in this case, the things that induce joy and the things that steal it. Even with all the good vibes happening around me, I still can be tripped up by the thief of joy — comparison. Ah yes, my old foe. Something that I struggled with for many years. And just like the thief it is, it sneaks up and causes all sorts of trouble.
Do I think all comparison is bad? Definitely not! There are sometimes when we need to compare things. Like comparing a frozen pizza to a delivery pizza. Or comparing the Harry Potter books to their cinema counterparts. I mean, this is important stuff people. We should probably take a poll as well.
All kidding aside, the kind of comparison I’m talking about is when you actively measure yourself against another person’s achievement, personality, possession, physical appearance, etc. In many cases when this happens, you end up feeling like the other person is coming out on top. For me, comparing myself to others became a gateway to other negative thoughts and feelings that ultimately stole my joy. I thought everyone else had life figured out and I was constantly feeling unworthy and inadequate.
It took me a long time to overcome my struggle with comparing myself to other women. I still fall into the comparison trap once in awhile, but I have found some things that help to counteract the downward spiral when you recognize it happening.
Tips To Counteract The Comparison Trap
- Try to understand what is behind the comparison trigger. To give you an example, I grew up having a poor self body image. You can read more about that here. Couple that with the insecurity of gaining a significant amount of weight after my pregnancies, and you have rampant comparison to any woman who was thinner and more in shape than I was. I realized that I could either spend my life comparing myself to other women and feeling poorly, or I could start focusing on becoming the best me I could be. Once I took steps toward a healthier lifestyle, I regained confidence — not because I was thinner — because I became focused on positive thoughts and changes. So first I examined the comparison, took a deeper look at why that particular area was affecting me and then took action.
- Find an ally. Find a friend(s) who can keep you on track when you start spiraling down into the negative self-talk that can come from comparing. Finding someone who can encourage you and remind you how awesome you are can give you the boost you might need on a hard day. Maybe your friend is also struggling with comparison, too. You could both benefit by become accountability partners.
- Admire others without self-bashing. It’s okay to admire others people’s strengths, but keep in mind that you have your own unique strengths too. Read more about my thoughts on that here.
- Be mindful of your mindset. When you start comparing and it leads to negative self-talk, remind yourself of past positive memories or comments from loved ones. Remind yourself of things that you know to be true and set that at the forefront of your mind. Also, meditate on what brings you joy in the first place. Refocusing on your blessings can help you change your outlook.
“Today you are you…”
If you have struggled with the negative effects of comparison, perhaps some of my tips can help. Or maybe this has given you some ideas of your own. If I can leave you with one parting thought it would be this Dr. Seuss quote, “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive that is youer than you!” You don’t have to be like anyone else and you should never feel unworthy because you are not “measuring up” to anyone else. When you feel comparison creeping up to steal your joy, remember to celebrate your “you-ness.”
