One thing is for certain when it comes to motherhood — you’re going to make some mistakes. And that’s okay. It’s how we grow and learn. Our experiences help shape our perspective. Over the course of the 12+ years I’ve been doing this whole roller coaster of a parenting thing my perspective has definitely been shaped. Oh boy, has it been shaped! I look back and see the good, the bad and the very ugly. If I were to go back and do it all over again from the beginning, I wouldn’t change any of it. It’s shaped me into the mama I am today. However, if I had the chance to give my younger self some advice, I would share 10 little nuggets of wisdom.
- Don’t compare yourself to other moms. Although it may seem like every other mom is doing it “right,” remember, everyone has their flaws and baggage. You are uniquely you with your own wonderful strengths. You can learn from things that you admire about other moms but don’t turn it into a bash-myself-fest.
- Don’t compare your child to other children. From early on we are encouraged to gauge our children’s development by comparing them to other kids. We hear it from well-meaning family members, doctors, teachers, and other parents. While some tools used for measuring development can be useful, take it with a grain of salt. Every child is different. Just like you have your unique strengths and weaknesses, so do your children.
- Take more “me time.” You are not being selfish by taking time for yourself. For many years I put myself on the very last rung of the ladder. When my kiddos were in the needy stage, it was easy to get lost in serving and worrying about everyone else’s needs. It burned me out. Somewhere along the road I learned the power of “me time.” Even if it was just to go to Target alone and browse the clearance section for 15 minutes of peace.
- Learn to cook sooner. My husband and I were married when we were 19 and 20, respectively. I knew how to cook a handful of meals, and not very well I might add. There were so many nights when 4 o’clock would roll around, and I would have no clue what we were eating for dinner. We would usually end up hangry (hungry+angry) and grumpily argue about who should figure out our dining situation. (If only there were Pinterest back then!) I think we ate a lot of spaghetti and frozen pizzas in the early years. Slowly but surely, I taught myself how to cook and now it’s something that I love to do. Also, we have less hangry arguments. Win!
- Allow people to bless you. My husband and I were two broke college kids when we started our family, and it was hard for me to reach out to people when we needed help. This was definitely a pride issue. I felt ashamed when we needed extra assistance with food or bills. Looking back at all the times people blessed us with free childcare, meals, surprise gifts of money and more, I am so humbled and thankful.
- Find a mom’s support group sooner. It was year 5 or 6 of parenting when I finally joined a mom’s group called Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPs). It was at this moment that I realized I wasn’t alone. It was great having women I could connect with who were going through the same ups and downs of motherhood that I was experiencing.
- Trust my mommy intuitions. There were times that I would let myself be pushed around by other people’s opinions of how I should be raising my kids. I’ve learned to trust my gut (I do know my kids better than anyone after all) and set boundaries with my critics.
- Implement a healthy lifestyle sooner. This one goes hand in hand with number 3 above. I wish I had learned to take better care of myself earlier. With proper nutrition and regular exercise, I can enjoy an active lifestyle and maintain the energy needed to keep up with my kiddos.
- Enjoy the season you’re in. I need to remind myself to do this daily. Someone once pointed out that the length of time your children live with you is very short compared to the time when they’re adults and living on their own. The season of having kids in my home will be gone before I know it and so I’m treasuring it as much as possible.
- Parenting is about balance not perfection. I have made my share of mistakes when it comes to being a mom. I know I’ll never be a perfect mom either. I do know that my family works well with balance. Some days we tidy the house, some days we leave the mess. Some days I cook gourmet meals, some days we order pizza. Some days we play all day outside, some days it’s a Netflix marathon.
Over the years, I have learned a lot about motherhood. I am looking forward to what I will glean over the next 10+ years and beyond. Do you have words of wisdom that you would share with your younger self about motherhood? Please share your own tips and advice in the comments section!
