Date nights (or full-on date days) aren’t only for those who are coupled up or on the market. Solo dates—or, as I like to call them, me dates—are just as fun and, as an added bonus, they can also be an empowering form of self-care, especially for women. So, keep reading for some reasons you should give this form of self-care a try, a few tips for making solo time easier, and some solo date ideas to get you going.
Why You Should Take Yourself Out on a Date
As someone who is avoiding wading into the dating pool to work on myself for a while, and as an extroverted introvert at heart, I love taking myself out for a little me time. This could be as simple as enjoying a drink and a snack at a local coffee shop followed by a quiet hike or as grand as taking a solo trip to a new city or country. Whatever it is, I enjoy it all—and you probably will, too, if you give it a try. Here’s why:
You’re Forced to Focus on You
Humans are social creatures. We simply love being around other people. But sometimes, that social interaction becomes a crutch or, worse yet, a distraction from your own needs and desires. For some, the thought of being alone can be intimidating or even scary. So, we fill our schedules with group activities or an unending parade of lackluster dates just so we have someone, anyone, to keep us company. Add social media and cell phones into the mix, and even when you’re alone, you don’t have to really be alone if you don’t want to be.
Others tend to lose themselves in their relationships, whether that’s a romance or a friendship. This tends to be my M.O. and it is both why I am choosing to be single now and why I make solo dates a priority. As women, society expects us to be nurturing, reliant on others, and amenable. Now, I am definitely not saying that these aren’t admirable qualities. Caring for others is always a good thing, as is having a community you can trust and share things with. Not to mention, I am often the type who will go along to get along. However, when you deprioritize your own wants, needs, and interests in favor of those of others, or when you can be go-with-the-flow to a fault (guilty as charged), that’s where the problems start.
That’s why going on a solo date is perfect. You’re forced to just be. The noise and constant comparisons that come with social media slowly melt away, so you can disconnect to reconnect with yourself. And for the people-pleasers and perpetual caretakers, the wants and needs of others take a backseat. Meanwhile, you can just exist and do what you want to do when you want for as long as you want to do it. It’s absolutely glorious.
Having a Good Time Is Basically a Guarantee
No one knows what you like or need better than you. On a solo date, there’s no need to compromise over where or what to eat or how to spend your time to accommodate the desires of someone else. You won’t be forced to head back home with your stomach and metaphorical cup still empty because your needs weren’t met. There aren’t any awkward lulls in conversation, although it might take a little time to get used to the silence, and there won’t be any moments when you feel as if your voice isn’t being heard. Instead, a solo date is like going out with someone who likes everything you like, thinks the same way you think, can relate to your aspirations and lived experiences, and finds what you have to say incredibly fascinating—because your soulmate just so happens to be you. And you’re awesome!
You May Learn Something About Yourself
Some people place so much importance on being romantically involved with someone that they move from relationship to relationship and forget what it’s like to be alone. Others are burdened by the expectations of others—be it family, friends or followers on social media—and never have an opportunity to discover and embrace what brings them joy and makes them feel most alive. Whatever the situation, a solo date is the perfect time to explore what makes you you. You can test things out without fear of judgment or worrying that someone else won’t be into the same things. You can use the silence to work through a problem that has been weighing on your mind or to get perspective on a situation. Sure, it might be intimidating at the beginning, but uncomfortable moments are where growth happens.
How to Make Solo Time Less Scary
The thought of taking yourself out on a date can be stressful when you’re just starting out. However, I promise that it becomes easier the more often you do it. Just think of it like a skill you’re trying to improve or a muscle you want to strengthen. Being comfortable and confident alone takes practice. Here are some things you can do to make your alone time as nourishing and enjoyable as possible.
Start Small
Don’t go book a huge solo trip right off the bat or even plan a full solo date day. Instead, begin with one or two activities and build from there. For example, take yourself out to your favorite restaurant or somewhere else that you already feel comfortable. Or, tack on a visit to that cute café that you’ve been wanting to check out before or after a hike or getting your nails done. Before you know it, you’ll be planning a weeklong adventure to one of the destinations on your bucket list.
Turn Everyday Activities Into an Event
You don’t do absolutely everything with another person, right? Then, those moments when you are already alone are a natural place to start. Whether grocery shopping, going for a walk in your neighborhood or stopping by the mall to get a new shirt, almost anything can be turned into quality alone time. It just takes a shift in mindset and a slight change in plans. Rather than thinking of your errands as something that you need to check off your to-do list or some gym time or a yoga class as a regular workout, look at it as an opportunity for some self-care instead. Linger longer and take time to be truly in the moment and appreciative of the world around you. Be curious. Bookend a trip to the store with a meal at a nearby restaurant or extend your self-care with a post-workout pedicure.
Make It Special
Similarly, just like a regular date, make your solo date into something special. Get dressed up, do your hair and throw on some makeup. Do your best to show up for yourself just like you would for someone else. After all, if you can pull out all the stops for a complete stranger on a first date, then you can definitely do the same thing for yourself. Not only will you look like your best self, but you’ll feel more comfortable and confident, too.
Bring Something With You as a Buffer
One of the biggest anxieties that I still experience when I’m out on the town by myself is how I will fill the silence. (I put the blame squarely on social media, podcasts, and the at-your-fingertips convenience of cell phones.) So, don’t be afraid to bring along something to keep your mind or hands busy. That could be a book, a knitting or crochet project that you’re working on, drawing materials if you like to sketch, or a pair of headphones to listen to music. Although it wouldn’t technically be a solo date, you could even bring your pet with you for moral support. Then, transition your doggie dates into solo dates once you get more comfortable.
Remember That There Is Almost Certainly No One Judging You
Self-consciousness is probably the biggest barrier to entry for solo dating. Trust me, as someone with social anxiety in certain situations, I have been there. Fortunately, we live in a time when people are very self-absorbed (again, I blame social media). So, although you might be surrounded by people when you’re out on a solo date, the chances of them judging you for being alone are slim. Just consider what you think about when you’re out living life. Do you pay much attention to the random person sitting across the dining room from you in a restaurant? Probably not. You’re more focused on you and the people you’re with. In fact, if someone does see you out on a solo date, they are probably more likely to admire you for looking your best and enjoying yourself than they are to pity you or think you’re strange.
Solo Date Ideas for Empowering Self-Care
The Rochester, MN, area falls into what I would consider the Goldilocks zone of solo-date destinations. Not too small or remote to have little to do, not too big to be overwhelming for those who are just starting out on their solo dating journey, and not too far of a drive from charming small towns or bustling big cities, it is just right. So, if you’re ready to level up your self-love, these solo date ideas are a great place to start.
Do Dinner and a Show
It doesn’t get much more classic than this. Whether you want to take yourself to a movie, a play or a concert, enjoying dinner and a show is the perfect way to show yourself some love. As an added bonus, since everyone will be too busy paying attention to what’s going on on the screen or stage, including you, self-consciousness will be less of an issue.
Rochester Solo Dating Inspiration:
- Catch a flick at CMX Chateau and a laidback meal at Purple Goat, watch a showing at Pop’s Art Theater followed by some Vietnamese cuisine at Pho Chau, or see a movie at Marcus Cinema before enjoying a burger at Red Cow
- Have a nice dinner at Terza, Our Paladar or Bleu Duck Kitchen before seeing a play at the Rochester Civic Theatre or Rochester Repertory Theatre
- Enjoy a bite to eat and something tasty to drink while listening to live music at Forager Brewery
- Take yourself out to eat at CRAVE American Kitchen & Sushi Bar, Marrow or Bebap Korean Eats before watching a concert or comedy show at the Mayo Civic Center
Hone a Hobby
Do you enjoy arts and crafts? Are you an aspiring photographer? Have you been wanting to try salsa or ballroom dancing? Want to learn how to make a specific cuisine or dish? Then this is your moment to do it. Take a workshop, sit somewhere beautiful and sketch or paint what you see, bring your camera and go on a photo walk, or sign up for a dance or cooking class. You’ll leave with your heart full and a new or improved skill you can use again.
Rochester Solo Dating Inspiration:
- Sign up for a class at 125 LIVE, then head across the street for a meal at Blue Plate Diner or a coffee and a pastry at Novios Café
- Have some curry or pad Thai at ThaiPop, a coffee at Cafe Steam or a sweet treat at Mezza9 Cafe & Desserts, then walk down the block for a painting or craft workshop at Art Heads Emporium
- Join one of the monthly series of group dance classes (no partner required) at Blue Moon Ballroom, with sessions offered once per week, followed by a standing dinner date of ramen at Wabi Sabi or Greek at Opa! Opa!
Go Shopping
If there’s one thing that always makes me feel good (in addition to solo dates, of course), it’s shopping. And as much as I appreciate other’s opinions, I enjoy shopping alone more because I can take my time looking at what I want, and I can skip whatever doesn’t interest me. Whether you’re planning to buy or just window shopping, this is a great way to revel in the things that spark joy in you, which is what a me date is all about.
Rochester Solo Dating Inspiration:
- Stop by Sargent’s on 2nd for a coffee and pastry at Café Aquí, then wander around the greenhouse in search of a new plant baby to take home (or dream about taking home, if you’re a chronic plant murderer like me); bring a book to read or a journal to write in from one of their comfy greenhouse nooks as an added bonus
- Comb the shelves of Garden Party Books for a gently used book to read, then take your haul down the street to Old Abe Coffee Shop to enjoy over a cup of coffee and some vegan food or a donut
- Fuel up for your retail therapy adventure at Nupa or Five West before embarking on a marathon thrifting session at Goodwill, Savers, and Kismet Consignment Boutique
- Explore room after room of previously loved treasures at Old River Valley Antique Mall in Stewartville before rewarding yourself for your self-control and keen eye with something sweet at DARLIN’ Bakery & Cafe down the street
Have a Spa Day
Spa days and solo dates are both great forms of self-care. But enjoy a spa day as a solo date, and you’ve basically reached self-love nirvana. Treat yourself to a massage, mani-pedi or facial (or heck, even one of each), and round it out with a relaxing meal afterward for some especially nourishing alone time. Or, get a haircut and then head out for a nice dinner to show off your new look.
Rochester Solo Dating Inspiration:
- Indulge in The Pebble package at Pebble Spa, over 90 minutes of pure bliss featuring a massage, body brush exfoliation, hot oil scalp treatment, and foot scrub followed by a soak and wrap
- Give new meaning to a mental health day with the Mental Health Day package at Healing Touch Spa, which features a 90-minute hot stone massage or jelly mask signature facial and access to the sauna, steam room, hot tub and pool at Hilton Hotel Rochester
- Get a manicure and a jelly pedicure at Lotus Nails Salon, then head a couple of doors down to show off your nails while wielding some chopsticks at Ichi Tokyo
- Get your hair done at your favorite salon, then pay a visit to Salem Glen Winery for a glass of vino and a spot at one of their special events, like Wine and Bingo or Sip and Paint
Explore the Great Outdoors
Spending time in nature is one of the best ways to connect with the world and yourself. Time slows down, the stresses and noise of everyday life fade, and you can truly live in the moment. Take a hike through a nearby park, catch the sunset or sunrise or lay back on the ground and watch the clouds roll by or stars twinkle. Pack a picnic for one to enjoy during your adventure.
Rochester Solo Dating Inspiration:
- Lace up your hiking boots for an adventure through Quarry Hill Nature Park (be sure to have your camera or phone ready if you like photography), then refuel after your hike with something nourishing from Indigo Açaí Bowls
- Stop by the People’s Food Co-op to source some ready-to-eat salads and other picnic fare, then take your haul to Silver Lake Park to enjoy it waterside in the sunshine
Check Out a Museum
For a more mellow way to test out the solo-date waters, try visiting a museum or art gallery. Typically made to be quiet places of curiosity and contemplation, these are great spots to learn and explore at your leisure, all without the anxiety of being in a big crowd. Plus, just like at a movie or show, everyone will be too busy taking in what’s around them to think about the solo person at the next exhibit over.
Rochester Solo Dating Inspiration:
- Have brunch at Benedict’s before admiring the exhibitions at the Rochester Art Center
- Take a tour of one of the historic homes in the area, like the Mayowood Historic Home or Plummer House, then slurp down hand-pulled noodles and other authentic Chinese dishes at First Meeting Noodles
- Enjoy the fruits of your neighbors’ labor at the Rochester Farmers Market, then discover the story of the Rochester area at the History Center of Olmsted County (plan your visit around one of the museum’s learning events for an even more educational experience)
- Book a guided tour of the Charles E. Gagnon Museum and Sculpture Garden, then stop by for a craft beer at Thesis Beer Project (stop by on a Friday or Saturday to enjoy live music, too!)
Take a Day Trip
Worried that you might run into someone you know? Then go somewhere that no one will know you instead. One of the biggest reasons why I’m so comfortable flying solo is because I’ve had the opportunity to move around quite a bit and live in big cities where very few people knew me. It was incredibly freeing to be somewhere, knowing that I could look how I wanted or go where I wanted without being concerned that I might see someone. Who cares what someone thinks if you’ll probably never see them again? A day trip is an ideal way to step out of your comfort zone without fear of judgment. Sing your favorite songs at the top of your lungs as you drive to your destination, then check out some local attractions and try out an area restaurant. Best of all, anything suggested above applies literally anywhere you go, offering an endless supply of solo dating opportunities.
Rochester Solo Dating Inspiration:
- Make the drive up to the Twin Cities to eat and shop your way through one of the many international markets, like the Midtown Global Market in Minneapolis or the Hmongtown Marketplace or Hmong Village in St. Paul
- Make the drive to Pepin, WI, to visit the Laura Ingalls Wilder Museum and the Wayside Cabin, the inspiration behind Little House in the Big Woods; then, be transported from pioneer America to the vineyards of Tuscany with a stop at Villa Bellezza Winery
- Drive south towards the Iowa border for a visit to the tiny towns of Harmony and Newburg, MN, where you can take a subterranean journey through Niagra Cave and savor croissants and other hand-baked pastries at Newburg Vintage Home & Garden, a gift shop-meets-small-batch French bakery (open only on select Saturdays for a few hours each day, visitors come from Minnesota, Iowa and Wisconsin for a chance at trying one of the European treats; croissant-baking classes are also offered)
Have you taken yourself out on a solo date? Leave a comment below!
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