(DKL working on the old Chevy with Charlotte)
How to Cognitively Reframe a Pessimistic Husband..
To put it mildly, I married a man who has a bit of a pessimistic view on life. Other than marrying me, he is not the luckiest man in the world. If one horrible bad day happens, he is sure two more are going to follow.
I am not an overly optimistic person, but compared to him I am Pollyanna times four.
In attempts to balance his personality, I have developed the fine art of reframing my cognitions. I don’t want to change him; I like to try to balance his perspective’s effects on my mood.
Here is a recent real life example:
So, I say to my husband New Year ‘s Eve, “You know how instead of making New Year’s resolutions some people pick a word for the year. Let’s pick a word this year and see what happens. Like romantic or exciting. How about you pick the word this year.”
Silence
Me: “And the word is…”
DKL: “Worse.”
Silence.
Me: “Worse? That’s it?”
DKL: “Yes.”
Silence.
Me: “2015 was not a good year for you?”
DKL: “Nope.”
Me: “And you’re expecting 2016 to be worse.”
DKL: “Yes.”
Me: “Brilliant. Worse kind of has a pessimistic tone to it.”
DKL: “That’s me. Mr. Sunshine.”
Silence.
Me: “How about we add one more word.”
DKL: “Okay.”
Me: “Adventure. 2016 can be the year of our worst adventures yet.”
DKL: “Okay.”
Monday Morning January 4th 2016…. My minivan refuses to start and spends a week in the shop. Looks like our year of worse adventures is off to a great start!
It’s all perspective, people.
This is going to be my best, oops I mean worst, year ever of reframing cognitions!
allison jean loftus MA, LPC @flourishcounselingcenter
