When I was a 20 year old, junior in college, with no car, 2 jobs, and crazy involved in school/ministry/and social life, I met my hot hus. We were introduced by my husband’s brother and he was set on making us a thing. After months of persistence, we connected by hanging out for 2 days and “clicking”. Andy and I fell hard and fast for each other. We talked for hours a day on the phone, and I looked forward to our time together so much. He lived in Minneapolis and I was living in Duluth, so he would come to see me every week (since he was dating a chick with no car).
We ended up dating for 3.5 years with lots of moves, school, career changes, buying a house etc. After 3 plus years of dating, I thought I knew it all and marriage would be easy. Easy is definitely not a word I would use to describe a marriage, but I have certainly been so blessed with a rich and authentic relationship with my life partner.
When we were in Minneapolis for our 10th anniversary getaway, we created a fun list of ten things we now know, that we didn’t know then…
- Marriage isn’t the unity of two but the power of community (including many). Our marriage is strong because of our amazing neighbors, friends, family, and community in Rochester. They hold us up and are our net when we need to fall.
- Sex takes work. Yup, you heard me, I said the “s” word. Both my husband “saved” ourselves for marriage and we thought it would be a snap of our fingers and it would just be easy, passionate, intense. We were wrong. Sex takes time, communication, patience, and trust. Trust each other, share with each other what works and doesn’t. Invest time to be together intimately.
- Andy cooks and I bake. This is what works in our home. I drive him nuts with how I throw and dump ingredients in a bowl and just pray it works. He is a great chef and precision is his game. I love to bake a pie, cake, or muffins. It is my therapy and how I love my family.
- Kids can create a wedge in marriage and at the same time make a marriage stronger. There is such a balance in learning how to not let your kids take over your friendship in marriage. I fell more in love with my husband by seeing him as a father but it can be so draining in the midst of raising these little people.
- Set time aside for getaways and vacation. We were not the best at this in the beginning years and it showed. Vacations are a time to unwind, invest in each other and make memories. Take time to be just “together”. Explore, Rest, and Eat really good food.
- Go on dates!! Our schedules don’t allow weekly date nights, but we make it a priority. I love breakfast dates too! We love getting a sitter in the morning and going out to eat for my favorite meal of the day and still having the rest of the day to be with the kids. I also love date night AT night! Netflix and ice cream, baby. Be creative and block out a few dates at a time.
- LOVE IS A DAILY CHOICE. Choose Grace. Choose Forgiveness. Choose to speak from your heart. Choose to put each other first. Serve each other. LOVE WINS always. DREAM of your future. Help each other bring dreams to reality. Affirm each other. Speak life into each other.
- You can survive on half the amount of sleep than you think. aka KIDS. I cannot believe how I used to sleep 10-11 hours a night and still be tired. Ten years in…. different story. But, I continue to carry on.
- Have dance parties every day. Dance together. Be crazy. Dance with your kids. Let yourself go and be free.
- Surround yourself with couples who you admire. Let them teach you everything they know. Invest in couples who are just dating or newlyweds. Teach them and allow their new love to remind you of that season. Pray together and fight for you as a team.
I am no expert, heck, I have a long ways to go but I am encouraged today knowing how far I have come.
I often say that my biggest accomplishment is my marriage. IT IS WORTH CELEBRATING! I want my kids to look at us and say, “I want that marriage. Mom and Dad made it a priority and showed real love. Not perfect love, but real love.”
May you continue to fight for the things that matter in life.
Christy
