Eighteen. That’s the magical age in which we suddenly know everything. We no longer need advice or support from others – especially our parents. We have the world in the palm of our hands and nothing can stand in our way. We’re allowed to vote now, and we’re adults, so no one can tell us what to do. Eighteen is also that magical age in which we FINALLY get to move out of our parents’ house. And thank goodness, because all they do is talk about cleaning up after ourselves, and being responsible, and reliable, blah blah blah. I mean, we *know* all that. After all, we’re adults. We’re 18.
I clearly remember my first adult years: I knew what I was doing; I shouted from the rooftops how adult I was; I made declarations of my adulthood and scoffed at much of what my parents told me. And then, reality hit. I had bills, I had responsibilities, I had children….and suddenly, I wasn’t all that adult. Suddenly, only one thing was certain – I had no idea what I was doing.
In five short weeks, my oldest will begin his life as a college student at UMD. He is preparing for this by spending nearly every waking moment with his friends, leaving cushions and blankets and food and dishes all over the basement, and reminding us at every opportunity that he is an adult. I am preparing by grasping at every free moment, chasing him around the house and nagging him about the messes he’s leaving behind and reminding him that he’s not as adult as he thinks he is. Yeah, I’m that mom. No mom awards for me.
How To Prepare Your Child (And Yourself) Before They Move Away to College
I’ve learned a lot from my friends who have traveled this road before me. Here are some of the things I’ve learned about how to prepare for that move-out day before it actually gets here.
We insist that he do his own laundry.
When we were at college orientation day at UMD, we were told that at least one student every year will leave a bag of laundry outside of their dorm room with the expectation that it will be swept away and returned washed and folded. I have never been that mom, my son will have no such expectations.
We’re letting him make mistakes.
Certainly he has a lifetime of mistakes in front of him, and we’ll never be able to prevent them. We hope that by letting him make his own decisions and suffer his own consequences that he’ll be equipped to handle himself when he is adulting around the college campus. We will not be the parents that are brought up as examples during college orientation. There will not be an advisor telling a story about how I called the main office and asked them to override a professor’s decision about a biology grade. I will not be the mom calling that same main office insisting that someone march to his dorm room to have him call me because he’s not answering his phone. I may be pacing the floor at home in worry from the unanswered calls…but I will still not be that mom. He will fail. He will make mistakes. And we will support him. One of the exceptions is his safety. We’ve assured him that we will always pay for a taxi if his only option is to be transported by a driver who is under the influence. No questions, just cab fare. We’re not encouraging substance use, but should it happen, we want him home safe.
Speaking of….have your child learn how to navigate through unfamiliar territory.
Try to give them opportunities to purchase a bus pass, look at a bus schedule, and get from point A to B on their own. Seem silly? It’s not. Many students don’t leave their college campuses because they can’t come up with a possible solution if they don’t have their own car.
Take a trip.
Either individually or as a family – or both! The trip the 2 of us took to Colorado this past spring was key for both of us. We were able to connect in meaningful ways. We were able to talk to each other candidly and have an adventure for just the two of us to share. It was a priceless vacation that we both look back on with fondness. We’re anticipating a family trip just a couple weeks before he moves out too. One last opportunity for the four of us to be together before our lives take on this new phase.
These five weeks will go fast; soon our house will go from four residents to only three. Soon our adult son will be out in the world truly learning how to be an adult. We will be anxiously awaiting all communication, we will make solid efforts to not turn all our focus on our second born, and we will make lots and lots of mistakes along the way. If there’s one thing we know, it’s that we don’t know what we’re doing. Hopefully it doesn’t take him as long to figure that out as it took me.
