OK mamas, I’m going to try to make a long story really short so I can get to the point. In November 2017, I felt a lump in my left breast. My sister’s wedding was days away, and I was about to get my cycle. I made a mental note to check it again in a few weeks. Time happened, and two of my kids had birthdays, we celebrated Thanksgiving, and I had to prepare for Christmas – which is the busiest time of the year for me in my profession.
In January 2018 that darned lump was still there. And, it seemed larger. A quick internet search assured me that most lumps found in women my age (34) aren’t cancerous – so I bit the bullet and called my doctor. She chided me for waiting so long to come in and be seen, and she had me do a mammogram, which lead to an ultrasound. It was revealed that I had two lumps, not just one – and then I had to undergo a biopsy.
This was probably the most terrifying time of my life. My bosses were out of town so I was holding down the fort at work solo – and waiting to find out if I had cancer.
I’m going to take a second to remind all of you mamas that if you’re going through anything like this – Google is not your friend. I repeat, GOOGLE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. You shouldn’t waste time researching your symptoms and worst case scenarios. Researching everything provided no benefit whatsoever.
Plans for grad school applications and a Jamaica mission trip all had to be paused, pending the results of my biopsy. I was in limbo, and it was a horrible place to be.
My kids – 7, 11, and 13 – are smart. They could see that something was wrong with mom. I was irritable, distracted, and stressed. I figured the best thing to do was to tell them.
But what do I say, when I don’t even know what the outcome is?
We had a “family meeting” and sat the kids down. I didn’t preface the news with a long-winded story – I got right to the point. Mommy has a biopsy tomorrow. Do any of you know what that is?
My oldest two knew the term – they’d heard it before. I shared with them that I had two lumps in my breast, and they were going to take a little sample of the lumps to test them to see what they should do next.
My youngest got lost in the mix of questions. At age 7, he didn’t understand much of what we were discussing. I kept returning to him and asking him if he understood, and I filled in the blanks. “The doctor thinks I might be sick, but they’re going to do a test on me to make sure.”
I didn’t want to add unnecessary stress to the kids – which is why I struggled with telling them or not. I think I made the right decision in telling them, though, because they were the BEST support system. They made a care package for me with their stepmother, full of coffee and chocolates. They impatiently waited for the biopsy results with me. We all cried tears of joy when the results came back as benign.
I found that my kids are empathetic, caring, and compassionate. As much as I’ve questioned my parenting over the last thirteen years, I must have done something right – because they impressed me with their character.
At some point or another we have to have hard conversations with our kids. Be observant of their behaviors – and know that you will have to respond differently to each child’s emotional needs. Have other trusted adults that the kids can talk to, too. They might want to talk to someone else about things – and this is GOOD.
Whatever your situation or struggle, you’re doing a great. You’ll get through it, mama.
