The holidays are right around the corner. For many of us, we know what we will be doing for each of the holidays, long before they arrive. We put a ton of planning into the gatherings and food, the gifts, the pictures, cards, and outfits.
Holidays can also be 6 to 8 weeks of stress. Complicated family dynamics, money hemorrhaging out of bank accounts and sky-high expectations are the perfect breeding ground for anxiety, disappointment, anger, and stress. So how do we put the joy back into the holidays?
- Evaluate. First, write down each part of the holiday season. Every gathering, every component of each gathering. Next, take some time to evaluate each thing on the list. Evaluate each celebration: family gatherings, gift exchanges, gifting expectations, hosting obligations, food contributions, baking traditions, parties (work, school, friends, neighbors), travel. Be brutally honest about your feelings and those of your immediate family ONLY. Rate each component on how much joy or stress it brings to you and your immediate family.
- Delete. Delete as many high-stress, low-joy components as you feasibly can. Think hard and critically about it. Just because we’ve always done something, does not mean that we have to keep doing it going forward. If it does not bring anyone any real joy, why are we doing it? Because we “should”? Says who? If you just need permission to give something the axe, here it is: I give you permission to shop should-ing and stressing yourself into misery. Give others in your life the same permission to dial it back. Maybe Grandma or Mom or Aunt Judy just needs permission to stop going overboard. Come up with a revised holiday plan together. To be sure, there will be a couple of things that remain on the list that have low joy-value. However, if even a few big stressors can be eliminated, it will make a difference in the holiday season.
Say “No” to a few more things this year. Say no to taking on things that make you feel crazy and harried. The new baby is due in November? Say NO to sending out holiday cards. Or just delete holiday cards from your list forever. Everyone will still be ok and your kids will still be cute. All of those fundraising things that come up? It’s ok to say No. Extra volunteering at school, 3 different Secret Santa groups, extra gift exchanges, multiple work holiday parties– say “NO” where you want and need to. Do not feel bad. Refuse to feel guilty. Adding unnecessary stress will make you–and your family–enjoy the holidays less. No one wins when mom is running around like a burned-out, stressed-out mess by the middle of December.
- Replace. Make your own traditions as a family, for you and your kids.
- Replace gift exchanges with giving as a family to those who are truly in need. Adopt a family for holiday gift giving. Serve a meal as a family at the Ronald McDonald House. Do a sweep of the house for gently-used toys and clothes and donate to the Women’s Shelter, Christmas Anonymous, or other local family assistance groups. Spend time at Channel One Food Bank.
- Put the FUN back into the holidays. One of our new favorite family traditions is to replace a traditional gift exchange with a competitive White Elephant gift exchange. Everyone puts a lot of thought into finding the most ridiculous gift for under $10. Winner (taken by vote) gets a prize. We spend the evening laughing until we cry, and playing other games for the rest of the night.
- Replace making appearances at parties and gatherings with making memories as a family. Go snowshoeing, sledding or skating. Build a giant snowman in your front yard. Have your own little pajama party at home with games, movies and your favorite treats.
- Rethink gifting. There’s nothing wrong with giving gifts, but falling into financial stress to do so definitely sucks the joy right out of it. Invest in people you love in other ways: picture gifts (picture books, framed photos, family video compilations) and homemade items can be much less expensive, and mean so much more. Good at writing? Write your niece and nephew a story where they are the star. Arty or crafty? Make custom coloring books for kiddos on your list. Crafting boxes or pouches for travel can be inexpensive gifts that kids will enjoy all year round. Experience gifts are amazing and create memories: passes to a local water park, zoo, children’s museum, art gallery, nature center, or another kid-friendly locale. Give a subscription to a favorite magazine: the recipient will enjoy it for a full year.
By all means, save the traditions that bring joy. For those that don’t, try something new this holiday season! If it fails miserably, it can always be changed back next year. Or, you may find that no one misses that joy-sucker and the holidays are a little brighter and better instead.
