As I sat in the waiting room for my 20 week ultrasound I had butterflies in my stomach. While I consciously knew that the gender of my baby was already determined, I somewhat felt myself hoping that my husband and I would be able to use the adorable name we had chosen for a boy. Without a doubt I was absolutely in love with our first born daughter, a rambunctious 15 month old who we had completely fallen in love with. As they called my name in the waiting room, I thought, this is it, this is the moment we are going to discover we are having a boy!
The ultrasound technician started my anatomy scan and everything looked marvelous. We were growing a very healthy little person. And then, I saw it, I mean I saw HER. I knew, from having a girl the first time, that the anatomy scan was showing we were having another daughter. I didn’t want to show my disappointment, so I let out an enthusiastic, “yeah”, and told my daughter she was going to have a little sister. But, deep inside, I thought, another girl! I wanted something different. And another girl is the same.
Fast-forward a year and a half. I was wrong. I do not mean just a little wrong, I was so wrong. My younger daughter is nothing like her big sister. And while I know gender disappointment is real (I felt it!), it isn’t really based on reality. The reality is that I thought having two girls meant I would have two of the same; the same pink colors, the same clothes, the same personality. I mean, I know that’s not really logical, but I that is what I thought.
With this new perspective I want to say this to my sweet little Dahlia; you are so so special! You are unique, you are feisty and you are tough. You have the world’s sweetest smile and have your daddy and mommy wrapped around your finger. You can light up a room with your giggle and a cuddle from you is basically the best thing in the world.
No, Dahlia, if I could go back in time, I would not trade you for a boy. Because while I have TWO girls, that does not mean I have two of the same. I have two different little people with two different sets of needs and gifts. I knew going into that ultrasound room I would be happy with a healthy baby. And while I had an immediate moment of disappointment when I found out you were a girl, I am so pleased that God blessed us with you. And now, as we contemplate having a third little one, I now know I will be happy with another girl. Because each child, boy or girl, is an exciting new adventure!
