At the beginning of this year, I made a New Year’s Resolution. This was going to be to be my year of joy. In an effort to become more self-aware, I was observing my own behaviors and became disappointed. My default setting was always set to “stressed.” I always felt like I had millions of things to do, and there was never time for gratitude. I never stopped to appreciate anything that was going well. I could only see the things that weren’t going well.
I noticed that those around me that seemed happiest were those that didn’t let themselves get stressed. They had perspective. They could zoom out from a situation and realize how important (or unimportant) it really was. I decided that I wanted my temperament to be more like this – and less like my life was always out of control.
So, I did it. I declared that 2018 was going to be my year of joy.
I’m not sure if you believe in God, a higher power, mother nature, the universe – but whoever you believe in, know that they will test you if you make a declaration such as this. And tested I have been.
I threw out my back in January – and this is something that has happened to me several times. I had two herniated discs in my back and it caused me immeasurable pain, so much so that I had to use a cane to get around. In February 2018 I finally had a steroid injection, and have experienced some relief. Around the same time, I went to a series of nail-biting appointments at the Mayo Clinic after I found two lumps in my left breast. Don’t worry, everything ended up just fine – and I found that being joyful during trying times is REALLY HARD.
Then, the real kicker. I went through a divorce in the spring/summer of 2018. Not just a divorce – my SECOND divorce. It’s twice as humiliating to share with friends and family. Twice as hard. Twice the guilt, twice the shame. Moving is hard enough, moving under these circumstances is even worse. And moving the kids? The worst.
But this is my year of joy, right?
If I was to stop there, you’d probably think that I am a miserable, unhappy person. Straight out of “A Series of Unfortunate Events,” the adult version of Violet Beaudelaire. But I only shared the worst parts of the year with you. What if I mentioned all of the good things?
I was asked to write for the Rochester MN Moms Blog this year. That’s pretty cool! I remember getting that email as I sat in the waiting room at the Mayo Clinic with my dad, waiting to get an injection in my back.
I joined a band this year. and I’ve started accompanying a local singer/songwriter. I’ve even started to play solo gigs, and making extra cash while doing what I love!
In April 2018 I traveled to Jamaica on a musical mission trip – essentially we put together a band and played 8 shows in seven days all over the island. We played in churches, at a school, a street dance, and a nursing home – this was one of the best experiences of my entire life.
I was accepted into graduate school and awarded a generous and prestigious merit scholarship. Due to the circumstances of the year, I did have to push back my start date to the fall of 2019 – but I get to maintain everything that I was awarded.
This is how I made it through the year. Focus on the good and be grateful. Zoom out and put your problem in perspective. Find joy. Your mountain of stress may just be a bump in the road when you look at the big picture. It’s SO HARD to have gratitude when it seems like one bad thing is happening after the other. Trust me, I know this. Every day I start out with a cup of coffee and I read and journal. I pray and meditate. I center myself. If something is bothering me, I write about it (or write a song about it! If anything, I’ve written a LOT of great music this year).
Also: Surround yourself with positive influences. I go to a mom’s group that meets every Wednesday morning at my church. We drink coffee and talk about various topics. We support each other and celebrate with one another – and we cry with one another. I don’t know how I would have made it through this year without this tribe of mamas by my side. I’ve found that when I spend my time around people that always find something to complain about, their attitude becomes contagious. I end up adopting that attitude myself, and that’s not who I want to be. These ladies don’t let me get like that.
I’m a work in progress, and you are too. Chin up, mamas, you’re awesome.
