Much like I prefer to be celebrated as a mom beyond breakfast in bed, crowded buffet brunch (seriously how much can one mom eat on a Sunday morning?), and flowers, we should look at what truly makes the dads in our lives feel loved and appreciated. Since the holiday originated in 1972, Hallmark, commercials, and store sale emails have increasingly narrowed down the field to tell us all dads want: golf, a new tie, and scotch. I can tell you neither my dad nor my husband wants any of this. As parents, we have been divided into two categories for gift giving enjoyment with some sort of one-size-fits-all application.
But our experiences as parents are as diverse and ever-changing as anything else in our lives, so as we look to celebrate our dads, fathers-in-law, and husbands, here are 5 things to consider before caving to “tradition.”
- How does your dad/ husband spend his free time when he has it? Does he really enjoy golf, or is this another stereotype? Does he have a hobby, or are you creating one for him?
- What has been the typical budget for gifts in your family? Will overspending stress Dad out more than make him feel appreciated?
- How does he actually want to spend the day? Playing catch with the kids may be instagram fodder for Mom, but maybe he just wants a nap, to go to a movie alone, or simply control the remote!
- Is there a missing family member for the first time, or has that person never been present? If you or your partner has lost their dad since last Father’s Day, these “firsts” can be rough on everyone. Likewise, if there has never been a father figure, the over-dramatization of these “special days” can wreak emotional havoc on those you love.
- Remember, not everyone has the same things to celebrate, so adjust expectations accordingly. Similar to the consideration of loss above, try to be cognizant of those who struggle with infertility, infant or child loss, or strained parent-child relationships.
More important than something to unwrap is what we celebrate and live out in example on every other day of the year. Let’s honor dads and father figures every day with respect, love, and appreciation. As a mom, I could do without my kids fighting over a contrived card and overpriced brunch. I would settle for someone unloading the dishwasher, an at-home pedicure, or to simply control the remote. 😉
