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Rochester Local

Traveloccocus aureas and the Tale of Travel Revenge

Cabo San Lucas | Sherry Ge

Come every January, a three-month-long desperate yearning to escape settles in for every
Minnesotan. The holiday hangover lifts and the reality of the freezing wind chill starts to feel
eternal. The daily morning commute usually involves an internal monologue of self-hate for
choosing to live in this godforsaken place. In annual Minnesotan fashion, we get infected by the
tropical travel bug. But after more than two years of travel freeze thanks to the pandemic, we
can safely say that we were profoundly diseased by Traveloccocus aureas, to a point of critical
systemic state. By late 2022, we were ready for not just recovery… but revenge.

I began mapping out potential destinations in early 2022. By October, we decided Cabo San
Lucas would be the place that would rehabilitate our post-pandemic winter blues. An
Instagram influencer’s dream resort was booked, and we finally had something to look forward
to. Nothing else mattered.

(Insert narrator voice): Except something huge mattered. Sherry forgot that one of the most
common and severe side effects from a long-term Traveloccus aureas infection is forgetting an
international travel essential that is called the PASSPORT.

Somehow the typical daily bustle of work and kids fogged our judgment, or maybe we just like
living on the edge, but it wasn’t until one month before our departure that we started the
process of applying for a new passport for our travel-deficient four-year-old. We hurried
through the standard process of expediting a new passport through the Olmsted County
government center and fortunately received the passport within two weeks. The day our little
guy’s passport arrived, I ripped open the FedEx packaging and cradled the new booklet like a
long-awaited newborn.

(Insert narrator voice): But it wasn’t until after Sherry opened the pages of the newly bound
passport that she remembered passports carry expiration dates. And in that moment (start
ominous music), she realized that she had never bothered to check the expiration dates of the
other three passports (ominous music intensifies).

At this point of the story, the iconic end scene from The Usual Suspects serves as the most
accurate re-enactment of the following sequence- just like Agent Kujan dropping his coffee mug
in stunning disbelief after deducing the true identity of Keyser Söze, I raced to find the other
passports in panic. And in the most dramatic and expected fashion, I saw that two of the other
three passports were expired.

We are now 17 days until departure. To a non-refundable paradise.

After what felt to be a full three-minute period of catatonia, I escaped my fugue and decided
that we couldn’t yet declare defeat. The Travel Revenge Tour was just getting started. I scoured the internet for a creative alternative. I may have googled “are passports really necessary?” to
grant me a loophole. During this desperate search for any option, the browser angels heard my
plea and brought me to the answer.

To serve urgent travel needs and other irresponsible Minnesota parents, Minneapolis has one
of only twenty-three US passport agencies in the entire country that offers same-day new
passport issuance or renewal. As too-good-to-be-true as that sounded, it came with the
immense pressure of having to make an appointment only within 14 days of travel date. If I
missed my window, I ran the risk of not getting an appointment at all. The next closest agency
would be Chicago. On the morning of the date that was exactly 14 days from our flight (with
palms sweaty, knees weak, arms heavy and vomit on my sweater already), I dialed the federal
phone number and by the grace of something holy, landed an appointment!

After a whirlwind of frantically filling out all the required forms, quadruple-checking the forms,
passport photos, photo retakes, and a white-knuckled hour-and-a-half drive from Rochester to
downtown Minneapolis on icy roads, we found ourselves at the passport agency counter.
Despite a heavily distended bladder at that point, I was not about to risk anything. Urinary
incontinence was going to have to be okay today.

4 passports in hand | Sherry Ge

 

(Insert narrator voice): Like every other happy ending, Sherry and her family left Minneapolis
that day with new passports and unsoiled pants. They spent five glorious days in Cabo basking
in the Mexican sun, chuckling at the level of idiocy they just got away with. Keyser Söze style.

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