As I lay awake tonight, I think of the many times that I have felt tired. Stages of life flash through my mind, but nothing really holds value nor compares to the current stage. Any level of “tired” prior to having children is near comedic. It’s almost something you yearn for as it quite possibly revolves around a stage in which you could nap at your own will and retire to bed early (and solo!) if needed. Mental exhaustion? Oh, I’ll just take a weekend day to do nothing but watch a Netflix marathon. But not only is motherhood the most tiring stage in life, it involves the most kinds of tired. Because yes, there are way more ways than one. And I see you, Tired Mom. I see you in your stages.
I see you, Tired Mom. I see you working full-time outside of the house and overtime at home. I see your mind is in twenty places at once and you believe – on a good day – that you are pulling straight Cs in all of your jobs. Your clothes and hair are clean, but many things at your house are not. You work because you earned your degree and you want your children to see you as a working, strong, mom. You work because it makes you a better mother, but then you question that more often than not. I see you, Tired Mom. I see you.
I see you, Tired Mom. I see you staying home full-time with your children while your partner gets to go be with real people who have real conversations. I see you struggling to find a new purpose to a new day. With a new activity, a new destination and a new fresh attitude. I see you beating yourself up wondering if you’ve embedded enough educational activities throughout the day all while contemplating when anyone will give a damn about your last relaxing shower. And your clothes and hair? They’re probably not clean. I see you, Tired Mom. I see you.
I see you, Tired Mom. I see you looking at other moms and wondering since when do they have it all together. “How is it that she looks so rested?” “She must have a cleaning lady.” “Did you see her outfit? She was so put together.” I see your self-doubt and I see your mind drawing unfair and irrational comparisons. You can’t help yourself, you’ve lost some control over your own life. And you’re hard on yourself, I get that. I see you, Tired Mom. I see you.
I see you, Tired Mom. I see you worrying about how much time you’re spending with your children versus how much time you’re spending with your partner. I see you struggling to make ends meet without caving for a 4pm coffee. I know you’re spread too thin and I know you think it’s reflected on your somewhat dulled skin and dark-ringed eyes. I know you think we can all see through your facade of toughness and into your tired, mentally exhausted state of mind. It’s stressful and lonely. I see you, Tired Mom. I see you.
I see you, Tired Mom. I see you trying to lift everyone up around you while no one has thought that you may be the one who needs to be lifted. The selfless actions come easy to you, and you love being the provider. Yet somehow you’ve forgotten how to provide for yourself. I see you trying here and there to incorporate self care – hoping that the little things add up into energy, rejuvenation, a renewed sense of purpose. Mini vacations that are intended to give you a new lease in life fall flat on their face when thrust back into the routine of the lives around you. I see you, Tired Mom. I see you.
I see you, Tired Mom. I see you ruminating over and hanging on to the words of others. Statements like, “I feel like I’m a better mom because I’m home to watch my children grow,” or “I work because it’s important for my daughter to see me as a professional,” leave you feeling hopeless – like no decision comes without damage and despair. The judgement, the guilt, the self-doubt leaves you in an emotional state of numbness at times. Yet, you go through the motions with a smile on your face and all your love pouring from your own self to others. I see you, Tired Mom. I see you.
I see you, Tired Mom. I know you are tired. I’m tired too. And the ways in which we are tired are many – too many to explain. But maybe it’s our thoughts about our lives that’s making us so tired, and not our actual lives. Maybe the thoughts above are swirling around in our brains, causing this mental state of exhaustion that carries itself with us everywhere we go. Maybe – just maybe – we can work to counteract those thoughts and in turn, be easier on ourselves and others.
Maybe practices such as intentional thinking, yoga, meditation, mindfulness or just plain stubbornness can help us change our mindsets and become less tired – at least less mentally tired. Maybe we can work on this, and therefore, have an immediate effect on our own well-being and potentially those around us. After all, we owe it to ourselves.
I see you, Tired Mom. I see you. And I know you can overcome.
