In the -18 degree temps, I find myself yearning for nothing but fresh air and wide open space. If you know me, you know that this says something quite significant about my state of mind. You see, I live like most moms live: stuffing my feelings, not acknowledging my own needs, not taking proper care of myself, giving, giving, giving. Did I say giving? The sudden, and oftentimes, visceral desire to flee the home and scream at the top of my lungs still feels very foreign, yet has become fairly commonplace. The constant stuffing and selflessness creates a bear that can hardly contain itself. And when that bear rears its head, it can be downright ugly. When did this become my life?
I know who you are, selfless mamas. I know you won’t eat the magical raspberries because they’re too expensive, and you bought them for your children. I know you succumb to running errands with at least one child because you’re trying, again, to make life easier for your partner. I know you’re up late at night perfecting the Elf on the Shelf, tomorrow’s peanut butter and jelly, and folding clothes. I know you’ve been talking about returning to the gym for months and finally getting around to painting your nails the hottest color of the season.
I’m telling you now, DO IT. Why? Because it’s part of your identity, and not only does your identity matter, but it may one day be all you’ve got. Four years ago, when we had our first baby, I did not go anywhere alone for more than a couple hours. My husband would often encourage me, but I didn’t feel like it was my place or something I was allowed to do. Oftentimes it was due to the breastfeeding and the feeling that there was no alternative (when there was), but a lot of times it was simply because I didn’t think it was the right thing to do. Looking back on that time, it’s no wonder that my identity felt stripped and my independence was lost. I was miserable, and I yearned for my old life.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED my baby. And to this day, I would without a doubt, say that I love all three of my babies more than I love myself. However, I have realized that if I don’t acknowledge what it takes to properly love myself and spend time doing the things that reflect that love for myself, I cannot be the BEST mom – the mom I need to be. This wild and crazy realization has resulted in putting myself first at times – even when it is unbearably uncomfortable.
Mamas, life does not stop when you are not around. Even though it doesn’t always feel like it, people will and do pick up the pieces in our absence and make things work. I know you think that you have perfected the daily routine (because you have), but being there every second to manage the daily routine will only result in stuffing your feelings, not acknowledging your needs, not taking care of yourself, and so many selfless acts that often leave you feeling resentful and angry.
So, in whatever fashion it may be, take some time to take care of yourself. You are likely exhausted from the Holidays; acknowledge that, and carve out your own time. Eat the magical and expensive fruit. Go to the gym, and take a well-deserved hour to commit to a long-lost hobby. Acknowledge your needs, be selfish, and above all else, hang on to that identity that you had before you became a mama. Your new identity doesn’t have to replace your old; it should enhance it and confirm it. After all, part of why you’re so amazing is because of who you were before you were a mom.
