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Rochester Local

Part 2 My Son’s Unplanned Home Birth Story // What Lead me to Become a Birth Doula

baby in a blue blanket

In case you missed it, please first read {Part 1} of this series.

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When we think about what we want out of our birth experiences, we almost always say “a healthy baby and a healthy mom.”  Yes, of course we want this.  But my experience has taught me a distinctive truth:

A healthy baby and a healthy mom is the most important thing, but that’s not the only thing that matters.

It’s not the only thing that sticks with you for the rest of your life.  It’s not the only thing that influences your postpartum period – or your parenting, for that matter.

Birth trauma is a real problem in our society today.  It’s estimated that between 25 and 34 percent of births are traumatic – and that’s based on the parents that are able to articulate their experiences and categorize them appropriately as such.  Even more, unfortunately, birth trauma is rarely discussed, understood, or healed from.

There will be a separate post in the future about how I found healing after my own traumatic birth experience, but if you’re reading this and you experienced trauma or lingering negativity over your own birth story, please know that you are not alone in that feeling, your feelings are valid, and there is healing for you.  Please know that it is okay to share that you experienced trauma even if you and your baby were otherwise healthy.

In the year following {my son’s birth}, I frequently found myself in tears or sick to my stomach when retelling his birth story or thinking through it in my own head.  I felt disgusted over the treatment we received, the negligence of the backup midwife, and even the well-intended words of others when they repeatedly told me, “but you have a healthy baby! That’s really what matters!”  Nothing invalidated my feelings more than those comments.

We handled our situation carefully.  About 6 months later, we filed an “official complaint report” against that midwife to the state’s Board of Nursing and to the Midwifery board of which she is certified.  In the following year, the case was investigated.  We could have pursued other more extensive routes or litigation, but all we really wanted was to make sure this never happened again.  And it’s that exact mission that hasn’t left my head or my heart since.

I’ve always been what people refer to as a “birth junkie.”  For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved talking about and learning about pregnancy, birth, and babies.  And it was the combination of my love for a new life, health, and a newfound goal to support other women in positive experiences that lead me to this new career years ago – a Birth Doula.

There’s no one exact “right way” to have a baby.  Every single pregnancy and birth is unique – even for the same woman – because no two experiences are ever exactly alike.  We have the beauty of our design and the beauty of advanced medicine.  We have the blessing of options and the blessing of choosing who we surround ourselves with.  And down to my core, I believe that no matter what path a birth story takes, it should always always always include a support team that is respectful, knowledgeable (evidence-based, all options presented), and care-filled.  And as a Birth Doula, I get the opportunity to support women and their families in just that way – with encouragement throughout their pregnancy, birth, and into their postpartum experience.

The labor of motherhood really only begins at birth.  But that’s a pivotal time in which you should be genuinely cared for, no matter what.  And it’s my privilege to get to support women of this community at such a precious, messy, beautiful time of their and their babies’ lives.

pregnant woman silhouette

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