“Instagram has made me a better mom.” There, I said it, and yes it does seem sort of crazy. The more I think about it, the more it rings true. A more comfortable narrative would be to complain. To exclaim that Instagram pits moms against one another, showing off our perfectly curated feeds, only posting the highlight reel, and using perfectly staged photos of our babies that never cry or poop. Frankly, there is some truth that no one wants to post a picture of their worst day. But in the last year, moms on Instagram have taught me so much, and for that, I’ve become a better parent.
Photo: Marit Williams
ONE:
I have been able to find some of our favorite brands through Instagram. I was introduced to Fritz’s favorite pacifier (Bibs), to the best playmat in the world (Wander and Roam), and a line of baby care products that smell divine (Noodle and Boo). I also love supporting women and mother-owned businesses. A few weeks ago a new baby hat company launched, Rad River Co, and you bet I got Fritz a snapback. While these are items I’m beyond fortunate to have, they have made my transition to motherhood easier, safer, and a little chicer.
TWO:
The connections and the community created through Instagram are invaluable to me. A mom found my blog while searching for “Mega Cisterna Magna” online and she reached out to me on Instagram. The coolest part, she lives in Colombia, a world away. We have kept in touch via email for the last few months. Her son is beautiful, and she is such a loving mother. A Connecticut mama and I had babies due around the same time. We struck up long convos over DM about our crazy newborns, our flared-up skin, and baby hairs. Why doesn’t anyone ever show you their baby hairs? Spoiler alert: they look like stringy bangs from 1992, and no one can make that look good. I cherish these friendships. The genuine connections and the spirit of what feels like a mama-tribe.
Sometimes the simple “you’ve got this mama” or “you’re doing so great” from then strangers were what I needed to get through those tough first few months. I have an excellent support system in Rochester a fantastic husband and the best girlfriends, but sometimes you need someone in the trenches with you to make it feel normal. To the moms nationwide and worldwide, thank you for reaching out or writing back. You’ve helped me become the mom I’m so proud to be today.
THREE:
The advice. I’m a new mom, and I kept hearing people say, “do what works for you, everyone has an opinion.” While this is beyond true, I welcome the diversity in what works for other mothers. I have used Instagram to seek out suggestions. Fritz wouldn’t hold his own bottle, and through posting on Instagram stories and asking, I was able to find a sippy cup he will use! Another mama I adore just posted about the benefits of bone broth for a sick baby, even mixing it with their milk, totally new to me! What do you do in freezing Rochester winters with a baby in a toddler car seat? Did you know that the Patagonia Sweater Down Coat is car seat SAFE? Me either! I have learned so much! I have always known how to love my baby, but I find it invaluable that I’m learning how to help him thrive and stay safe. One of the most important lessons: what to do if your baby starts choking. I took prenatal classes and one thing that didn’t stick with me “DO NOT SWEEP BLINDLY.” I hope you saw this video too. PLEASE watch it and share it with caregivers!
FOUR:
I’ve also been able to show a side of myself that is more vulnerable. The highlight reel isn’t necessary anymore. I want my friends, my family, and my followers to know that I might look like I have it together and that Fritz is an angel baby – but that’s not my life all of the time. Somedays I even get mad at my husband!
This last week: I got my car stuck in the driveway. A stranger crawled underneath it to dig me out, with the help of my neighbor Karen who had just gotten home from a shift of saving lives. We had a mouse running rampant in our pantry and couldn’t find it. A little bit of poison and a few days later, it is still lying peacefully on our basement floor. When we turn our oven on, it smells like rodent urine. To top it off, a woman gave me her opinion on my parenting, “Don’t people put their kids to bed anymore?” Sure do, but when it works for our baby! Most of this – I share on Instagram. I love that there are other moms out there who lift me up in times of need and can laugh with me at the absurdity of it all.
FIVE:
Instagram has made me a better mother because I’m not alone. We are all in this together. I’m here for you, always, just as many have been there for me. There is going to be a mom who has it more together than me, whose Instagram feed is full of beautiful images, a mom who is better at crafting, or a mama that looks incredible in her skinny jeans. Instead of finding jealously, I will fight it, and continue to cheer her on!
