My husband and I have always enjoyed traveling together. Early on in our marriage, my mother-in-law actually worked for a cruise line for several years so our first two cruises were basically free since we could enjoy her employee benefits. Then, during the winters we did not have a cruise planned, we would book one for the following winter because winter is crazy here and we wanted to escape! So I guess you could say it’s become a bit of a hobby.
The first time we left our kids for a full week was scary and hard, but very rewarding. After going through a tough, sleep deprived phase of parenting littles it was so refreshing to get a break and remember that I am an individual with needs too. It also helped us remember that our marriage needs care and attention.
One reason I value these marriage getaways is that we are setting an example for our kids that our relationship is incredibly valuable and deserves this. It doesn’t have to be a week long cruise. It can be whatever you want it to be: a weekend at a cabin, an overnight at a hotel, even just evening date nights and spending alone time with your spouse on a regular basis. We’ve taken advantage of my husband’s work-related conferences a couple of times as well, where I have gone with him to attend a conference. It’s not exactly a romantic getaway but we still get to travel and get out of our normal routine. A week-long vacation without your kids isn’t for everyone and that’s okay. But if you have total trust in your childcare providers (for us it’s grandparents) it can be a fun memory for everyone!
But a word of caution here.
What if I told you that it doesn’t take a great vacation to make a great marriage, it actually takes a great marriage to make a vacation great?
If you are not investing in your relationship on a regular basis, a vacation together will not magically improve your marriage. All relationships take work to make it lasting, loving, and strong. So, don’t expect your trip together to solve all your problems.
But no matter where you’re at in life I still believe strongly that taking trips with your partner has a great impact. When you can get away and be in a different environment, somewhere where you are together all the time, having new experiences, your relationship is then given an opportunity to adapt and to grow closer in a way it wouldn’t be able to just going through the motions at home.
For instance, deciding what you want to do together moment-by-moment is thrilling. But it also can be revealing and teach you things about your spouse you may not realize. Maybe you or your spouse value alone time. Even on vacation, it is okay and healthy to go do your own thing sometimes too. You might even get into an argument about what to do and that argument can lead to a beautiful moment where you are faced with the reality that a good marriage involves sacrifice and loving and understanding communication. A vacation is an opportunity to practice that and to grow from it.
So, before you get on that plane… or maybe while you’re on the plane, talk about what your expectations are for the trip. What is the purpose of your time away? To reconnect, to relax, to read, enjoy extra romance, do something fun and different, escape the cold? You get to decide what it is you’re after by taking time away together. But if you each decide in your head what you want without talking about it together, your vacation won’t go as smoothly.
Your family wouldn’t be the same without the marriage you share. Someday the kids will grow up and move away and it will be just the two of you again. Going on little trips or dates or vacations now can help remind you that you are the foundation of your family and it’s important to invest in the success of that foundation. Like I said before, the vacation won’t magically make your marriage improve so don’t expect it to. The vacation is simply an opportunity to enrich what’s already there, remember that.
Once you’ve decided to book your trip, you’ll want to take ample time to plan for your kids while you’re gone. How will you cope with the guilt of leaving your children home? How can you ensure they have a fun time while you’re away? Stay tuned for my next post, all about planning for that time away and what tips and tricks I’ve discovered that have helped everyone survive and have a great time.
