A lot of moms try hiding in the bathroom when they want to be alone.
So I’ve heard.
Ahem.
My first child figured out that trick when he was 2, and I haven’t had an uninterrupted bathroom experience for the last 3-1/2 years. “Have I given you enough privacy mom? See how I’m giving your privacy? I’m doing such a great job giving Mommy privacy.” He’s 5 now and knows my limits, but the other two kids are starting to figure out that when mom goes to the restroom, it’s a free-for-all. I come out of the restroom, and it looks like nuclear peace talks went awry. And I just want to go right back in that bathroom, sip coffee, and check my e-mail.
That’s not sustainable parenting.
When I was in my 20’s and imagined parenthood, I thought that personality was nurture-formed. In my head, you could create the personality that you wanted in your child by making certain life choices about what you do and don’t do. i.e. “I’m going to read this child a lot of books, and he’ll turn out into a quiet bookworm.”
Big spoiler alert: you can’t.
I’m an introvert by nature, and God has blessed me with three noisy little children. 
I love all of my children, and I can safely say that not a one of them has a personality that meshes with mine 100% of the time. I have a high energy/high intelligence child, an emotionally sensitive child, and a determined anti-snuggle child. But isn’t that glorious? Not a single one of my children will meet with a challenge the same way I would, so statistically speaking, the odds of our family beating a challenge are higher.
Today I took a good look at my kids. Holiday gatherings can be a big stressor for kids, and they were showing the effects of it. My emotionally sensitive child was crying and saying “I don’t want to see my friends again. I only want to stay home forever.” The other two looked just as run-down and ragged.
Right now, in the midst of post-holiday chaos is the moment when I need to bend down and meet that child where he’s at regardless of my personality preferences. That’s part of maturity: being able to go beyond yourself in service without expecting anything in return.
For my excessively imaginative one, it’s taking the time to listen to countless hours of made-up stories.
For my cuddly child, it’s taking time to lie in bed and tell stories from when I was a girl and hold his hand.
For my dare-devil with an impish grin, it’s taking intentional effort to make eye contact and say with a calm voice “Great job! You’re so brave!”
Parenting isn’t just about meeting basic needs, it’s also imparting a sense of “I love you just where you are developmentally. I love your whole person, including the parts that make me want a cone of silence.” Okay….maybe don’t say that last bit out loud. But do give your child a sense of worth and honor, and value the differences in your family.
And after you’re done nurturing your little one, go ahead and take a break in the bathroom. Maybe….just MAYBE…. you’ll get a moment of silence.
