Too busy, too tired, too overwhelmed. New babies, change in season, and shifting responsibilities can drastically alter your plans and dreams of what you expected from motherhood. Survival mode becomes a way of life instead of a short time frame. Living with that frazzled feeling can become the new normal.
While I’ve found this time period in my life to be draining and stressful, I’ve noticed several trends to making my days run more smoothly, and to live beyond survival mode:
Pare down belongings.
More stuff equals more time and care devoted to maintenance. This is extra challenging because I’m sentimental and I feel bad for spending money on things I no longer use. Kids clothes can be so time consuming, but if you can keep their clothes to a minimum you’ll find mornings and laundry days are easier. Yes, you may have to do laundry more frequently, but you’d have to wash those clothes either way. You might just as well wash a smaller amount of clothes more frequently. Consider other ways to live better with less.
Pare down activities.
Along the same lines, if your schedule is overwhelming you will feel overwhelmed. In and out of the car and keeping track of activities will put a major damper on your attitude and freedom. We only do activities where my husband can commit to helping the majority of the time. When one parent can stay home with the little kids, its much easier for everyone’s sanity. I also try to only make one or two trips to the grocery store a week; this takes a bit of meal planning, but if I can stick to the plan my week goes more smoothly.
Extend grace.
When you’re trying to get by in survival mode, your kids and your husband can often get the brunt of your frustrations. They may be feeling as tired and as overwhelmed as you, and now you are upset with them too. While this can be extremely difficult in the moment, giving grace when your patience is worn will help everyone to stay positive and could be the defining factor in keeping your ship afloat when its close to sinking. Sometimes the mom needs to keep it together just because she is the mom. Not always fair, but moms attitude usually sets the tone for the family and if the mom is a screaming lunatic, the rest of the family won’t be far behind.
Know your limits.
You never want to get to the point of breaking. If an activity, commitment, or relationship is causing you to fall apart, its probably time to move forward. Saying YES to one thing means you are saying NO to something else. Prioritize your life. Where do you place value? Put the most important things at the top.
Pick your battles.
While this is especially true with the people that live in your home, its also valuable to remember with colleagues at work, issues in your school or church, or even tasks around the house. Sometimes you just have to say “good enough” and walk away. I typically try to remember this whenever I’m tempted to engage in an argument on social media. Emotional issues take up way too much brain power, sometimes the best solution is to just let it go and move forward.
While survival mode is becoming more and more common in our society, it can be a miserable way to exist. Modifying your life to accommodate the busyness while not sacrificing what is important can be tricky, and takes refining as your family life inevitably shifts and changes.
